


Crit Miss (Sebastian x Male Reader)

by DreamDepot



Series: Dream Seeds (One-Shots) [3]
Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Flirting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 12:07:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16346444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamDepot/pseuds/DreamDepot
Summary: Game night is best night, especially when you're a bard ready to flirt your way to the top.





	Crit Miss (Sebastian x Male Reader)

**_Stardew Valley_ ** _is owned by Eric “ConcernedApe” Barone and is published by Chucklefish. Please support the official release._

* * *

Nighttime in Stardew Valley was always special. Whether it was enjoying the beautiful view of the night sky, away from the light and pollution of the city, or watching the ocean waves or even spending a night with the town at the local Stardrop Saloon, there was always something to do. Each night you found some way to relax after a long day of work on your farm.

Wednesday nights, however, were the best. After tending to your smelters and chickens, you would head into Stardew Valley for game night at Sebastian’s place. For the past year, you joined in with the usual gang of Sam and Abigail to play weekly tabletop games. Lately, the group played a medieval roleplaying game, and today was the final round of Sebastian’s custom campaign.

“You arrive at the top of the evil sorcerer’s keep,” Sebastian announced from behind the partition. “Eerie green wisps curl at the edges of his cloak as he prepares to unleash his ultimate curse to scourge the land. How do you proceed?”

Sebastian was an excellent Dungeon Master, but he loved to make hard bosses. Not “hard” like challenging; annoyingly difficult, “pro-strats”, dear-God-why **_hard_**. There were several options, but most of them would lead to immediate character death. After all, your character was a bard. Bards weren’t exactly great at tanking a boss solo, and the sorcerer’s magic froze all of your companions for at least another five turns.

Thinking hard, the answer came to you, but you weren’t sure if it would work. “I seduce the sorcerer.”

Sebastian gave you a withering look. “You can’t be serious.”

“What? Afraid I’m gonna derail your campaign?”

“Yes! I worked hard on this! This is the third time you’ve tried to seduce the big bad! Can you **please** do this right for once?”

“C’mon, I’m one low-level bard. I’m not gonna beat him normally, so might as well do this right?”

“You could still face him without engaging him and win.”

You rolled your eyes. “You expect me to figure that out? C’mon, what’re the odds that I actually do it, huh? I failed the other two. Please?”

Sebastian sighed. “Fine. Sure. Why not? Roll for it.”

Giggles rippled through the room as you rolled.

“14,” you said, a little disappointed. You were hoping for that sweet, sweet 20, but clearly, you weren’t in the favor of the gods of RNG.

Sebastian was beaming. “So, what’d you say to him?”

You smiled with the most confidence you could muster and shot Sebastian your best smoldering look. “Hey baby, nothing’s sexier than a man with ambition. How about you n’ I get outta here and get to know each other’s ambitions a little more over some mead?”

Sebastian wasn’t even fazed. “He’s a bit taken aback, but generally finds your flirting a distraction. He begins to prepare a spell to trap you like your friends and…” You heard a soft clicking behind the partition. Sebastian’s face turned to stone.

“What did you roll?”

Sebastian coughed.

“I’m sorry, didn’t quite hear that.”

“1.”

“HAH!”

Sebastian rubbed his temples. “The spell he intended for you backfires turning into a bouquet of flowers.”

“Well,” you said in character. “How charming, my favorite kind. How did you know?”

“The necromancer is too embarrassed to respond,” Sebastian growled.

“So, what do you think of a date?”

“Please stop.”

It was far too late for that; your mind was eleven steps ahead. “I do a striptease! No, a dance!”

Sebastian banged his head against the table. “Roll for performance.”

All was silent as the plastic d-20 bounced on the table, slowing down and landing on…

Sebastian was silent.

“Seb… you see what I see?”

“God… damn it.”

“Nat 20! Praise be to RN-Jesus!”

He heaved a heavy sigh. “You take one of the necromancer’s extra staves,” Sebastian said with the most bored voice he could muster. “By sheer luck, it is the fabled Staff of Wukong and extends into the perfect dancing pole. You spin on the pole slowly and sensually. The necromancer’s zombies begin to play some slow jazz music as you twirl. You shove the necromancer into a chair, straddling his hips and begin to strip off your shirt. The show is so sensual and emotional it will be remembered for centuries, and you become worshiped in some cultures as a god of the erotic. Several demons would sacrifice their harvested souls for ten minutes in your presence.”

“Now that’s what I call a dance!”

“The necromancer tries to bash you with his staff!” Sebastian announced, trying in vain to get the campaign back on track. Again, you could hear him roll his die. “BULL!”

“So…?”

“The necromancer… gently runs his staff down your cheek.”

“Kinky.”

“Stop.”

You smiled like a cat with a canary in its mouth. This wasn’t over, not by far. “I’m ready for my next move.”

“Oh god, please stop. Please end me.”

“I wanna propose.”

“You can’t propose!”

“Why not?”

“He’s the Necromancer of the Dark Realms! He’s been raising dread zombies to destroy the local towns! He is EVIL!”

“Sebastian!” You scoffed. “Everyone can change. You can’t go through life always assuming the worst!”

“He has literally killed hundreds,” Sebastian growled.

“Well unlike _someone_ I like to assume the best.”

“You’re doing this just to mess with me.”

“Of course.”

“Well you still can’t propose; you don’t have a ring!”

“Oh really?” You asked innocently. Your smile sent shivers of fear down Sebastian’s spine. “What about the Ring of Extreme Magic Fortification I got as loot from the last campaign. Wouldn’t that be the perfect gift for a powerful mage?”

Sebastian swore under his breath. Suddenly he stopped and laughed. “You can’t! It’s my turn! And now, the necromancer is going to kill you with his most powerful spell.”

The die rattled along and stopped. You’d never seen the face of a broken man, hope dying in his eyes, resigned to his fate, but you were pretty sure Sebastian’s expression was close.

“Why…?”

“Why not?”

“He’s a necromancer, he’s not even that good looking!”

“Oh, but the wizard has the most beautiful ebony locks of hair.”

“For ONCE! Could you not derail my campaigns?!”

“He’s also pretty cute when he’s flustered. Not to mention he’s really creative and thoughtful.”

“Stooooooop.”

“He’s also sexy as hell on his motorcycle.”

Sebastian froze and looked at you. You waggled your eyebrows.

“Well,” Sebastian muttered. “Maybe the necromancer thinks the bard is cute too. Maybe he secretly watches the bard while he works.”

“Oh really?” you purred.

“Maybe he likes it when the bard gets all sweaty and takes his shirt off. Maybe he likes when the bard strips to his underwear to swim in his pond.”

“H-h-he does?” You stammered. “I wasn’t… You… You saw that?”

“Yeah,” Sebastian smirked, realizing he now had the power. “Maybe he set up this whole thing to try and impress the bard. Maybe he just wanted to spend time with the bard.”

“He did?” You squeaked.

Sebastian suddenly realized what he said. “I-I-I mean!”

“Well… maybe the bard came so he could get to know the necromancer…”

“He did?”

Suddenly, there was a heavy thunk. The two of you turned to see Sam banging his head on the table. Abigail had a bowl of Halloween candy in her lap and looked like her favorite show just came on.

“What?” You asked.

“Just freakin’ kiss already!” Sam shouted.

“No, not yet,” Abigail cut in. “I need more angst.”

“What are you talking about?” Sebastian asked.

“Get a room you two!”

After few more turns, the campaign ended with the necromancer and the bard getting married in the town chapel and moving to a quiet cottage on the edge of the enchanted forest. You, on the other hand, left with a kiss and a promise of a date at the Saloon on Friday night.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hope you enjoyed this little one-shot. I realized I forgot to include something in the last one, which is that if you have suggestions for future pairings for this series of random one-shots, please feel free to let me know. If I'm familiar with the fandom, I'll try to write one. 
> 
> Thanks again,  
> DreamDepot


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